Topaz Cage
A poem to analyze. Is it ok.?
” i worship thee”
A glowing candles fire,
warm and cold eternally.
Our minds forever linked,
souls locked in a cage.
My prophetess of doom,
casting my topaz zodiac.
Lights of Saggitarius,
blackness fills my eyes.
I grant to her my worship,
summoning demons of pure hate.
Spending time between the stars,
where once we both belonged.
My entire priceless kingdom,
I’ve lain before her feet.
Linked together, birth through death,
and as one…we both decay.
I’d take another look at the title…perhaps just “worship”…the “thee” is a bit over the top and the lower case “i” is distracting.
The poem’s not bad…Topaz straddles Scorpio and Saggitarius, so I guess that’s okay. The line I think I find out of place is “demons of pure hate”…why? The rest of the poem speaks of devotion, worship, etc., so why insert “hate”…if you’re doing it just to make it darker, don’t, it is counter productive in this poem…the end is dark enough and omitting the hate makes the ending all the more powerful.
…good first draft…keep writing
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White Gold Cage Style Earrings With Blue Topaz £299.99 |
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White Gold Cage Style Pendant With Blue Topaz £159.99 |